Ripping Through the Sleepless Night

Ooo weee! 3 am and counting the minutes until I really should jump in the shower and go to work. I suppose I could just go the the gym instead ... pfft. Do you think all these sleepless nights are due to a bigger problem? Possibly, but I think it's just because I have no idea how to wind my mind down without the use of mind numbing alcohol. At least I have my blog and my music library, my best late night friends. "Go, DJ! That's my DJ!"

At any rate, there are particular things on my mind at the moment. My close friends already know that less than 3 weeks ago, I made the decision to come out to my folks formally. It was no news to the rest of the world, and honestly, I thought it would go over a lot better than it did. But that's whiskey under the bridge at this point (thank you Brooks & Dunn).

Every time I go to my hometown, it conjures an array of feelings. Ever since that Friday night 3 weeks ago that my folks heard the words, "Ya, so I'm gay" come out of my mouth, different feelings are conjured whenever I roll into town. Primary feelings consist of sadness, anger, and rejection. That was, until just this past weekend. I went home for the sole purpose of attending a very good friend's engagement party. Luckily, Miss Pixie accompanied me on the plane to and fro. It certainly made the ride quick and painless (just read her blog and you will understand).

Let's rewind to this past Friday night. Miss Pixie and I and my little bro had dinner with Miss Pixie's parents. Okay, make a note of family love experience #1. Her family is one of the kindest and entertaining I've ever had the pleasure of breaking bread with. Mad respect to them!!

So after dinner, the three of us break away from the folks and hit the town. Thanks to corporate perks, I was upgraded in my rental car to a convertible with a booming system. Now you KNOW we had to pimp that shit! We rolled up to the bar steady stuntin' in the drop top. I was feeling pretty randy that night because I was with good people, in a friendly bar, and a nice group of guys was playing music. Miss Pixie certainly provides most of the smiles and warm fuzzies, so by about beer #5 or so, I was sporting a perma-grin. My little brother's best friend was also in the bar that night with his parents. Mind you, his best friend is as much of a little brother to me as my flesh and blood. I spent a considerable amount of time catching up with his folks and sharing a couple of beers with them. Before his parents left, his mother pulls me aside and says, "Take care of [my son] tonight and make sure he gets home okay. You are like one of my own, and I trust you." Wow, now make note of family love experience #2.

By this time, I was on top of the world overflowing with love. And of course what better way to show it than to spread it! My eyes immediately spotted a little cutie pie who sat down next to Miss Pixie. "Go, DJ. That's my DJ!" Right, so without words, signals were passed between me and the cute little mama at the bar. I got up to go the bathroom, for no other reason than to relieve myself. Well, who gets up like 3 seconds behind me? You know it! In the line for the toilet, we did exchange some words, but I was honestly focused on getting into the rest room. I go into the men's room, because there is NEVER a line at the dude's bathroom. After having taken care of my business, I bend over to grab my pants. Guess who straight up opens the door and attempts to come into the room with me? Naturally, I was startled, seeing as how I was ass up with pants at my ankles. Noticing that I wasn't exactly inviting her into the bathroom with me, she backs out and shuts the door. My startled ass begins to flail around in a drunken loss of bodily control. A small vase full of scented oil falls off the back of the toilet, thus making the floor greasy as hell. You do the math. I wasn't wearing slip free safety shoes or anything, people.

I collect myself after the minor debacle in the bathroom and go back to my spot at the bar next to Miss Pixie. Now I'm greasy and a bit on the embarrassed side, and Miss Pixie says, "Bee-atch, you smell nice." I suppose that the smell of concentrated scented oil and humble pie makes for a nice combination. Oh well.

The next morning, Miss Pixie and I head to our friend's house for an intimate brunch with her family and her fiance's family. Again, everyone around me at brunch welcomed me with open arms. I learned a lot about everyone there, and I was able to catch up with some old friends. I am counting this family love experience as #3, #4, and #5 since there were 3 families there. I am literally almost in tears thinking about how happy I was there. It was so nice that I forgot about all the rigmarole I had to go through in order to avoid my biological immediate family the whole weekend. For some reason though, it doesn't take much for my father to "put me in my place". Luckily, I had already had 5 external family love experiences, so my pops couldn't take that much away from my mood.

Later that evening was the actual engagement party. Talk about a house full of family love experiences! My heart was on the verge of exploding with all the warm feelings in that house. I'm counting this party as family love experiences #6, #7, and #8 just because. It's my numbering system, people, get over it.

After the party winded down, some of the old crew decided we should continue the get together elsewhere. So the bride to be, the groom to be, myself, Miss Pixie, and another mutual friend headed out to a bar. Due to the number of cars and people, only the groom to be and myself were still drinking. Without going into to much detail, I just need to count this night at the bar with old friends as family love experience #9 and #10. In classic Orange Soul style, I over-emoted on everyone around me, including perfect strangers. I have no problem sharing sincere embraces with people I don't know. It's just more love to me.

What a beautiful weekend I had in my hometown! With a total of 10 family love experiences, none of which included my folks, I realized how much love really is around me. As much as it sucks that my parents may never accept me or my lifestyle, I know that I have so much more and that the bigger picture is exactly that ... a bigger picture. The look my parents gave me the day I came out to them left me afraid that I would lose my family forever. Truth is, I have absolutely nothing to fear. Mad love and respect to ALL my real family!

The album reference in this bliggity entry is Night Ripper by Girl Talk. It's an amazing ass-shaking breakbeat/hip-hop album.