The Trouble With Being Myself

For Jeebus sake, is this really what happens after the age of 30 … err, um, I mean 32? Am I seriously doing what I think I’m doing? Sitting miserable in a cubicle, daydreaming of times past, wishing for some sort of legacy, I exist here staring into the dropped ceiling and fluorescent lights subduing my inner child. My inner child wants to be the engineer she thought she would be. My inner child wants to use her hands for more than keyboard tapping, mouse-clicking, laser pointing, and even worse, forced finger-pointing. My inner child wants to look out of a window at the sunshine that she can go frolicking in without waiting for the clock to strike 5. My inner child wants to hug people, not products. She is getting moody, folks, and she rests on the verge of a temper tantrum. No, No, please do NOT call the authorities. I’m not going postal or anything. I don’t even own any sort of weapon, semi-automatic or otherwise. And yes, I am an engineer, but I’m no unabomber. The only similarities I share with Mr. Kaczynski are a fascination with advanced mathematics and an appreciation for the fashion statement imposed by donning sporty cotton hoodies. Although, I think I look way better in a hoodie than old Theodore.

With that said and the undeniable fact that I can do nothing about my current need to keep a short leash on my inner child, I am left only with my dear bliggity blog. Hmm, I think I should give my inner child a name? I’ll call her Bebe. Good enough. Bebe has been tapping her foot on the floor of my mind, standing on tiptoes knocking on the postern of my grey matter. She’s been hard to ignore as of late. Bebe knows better than I do most of the time, but I have a hard time letting her take the wheel, you know? When she is out and about, there is as much trouble as there is good unleashed. The only sure thing I can count on with Bebe is that I feel comfortable with her. Whatever, I’m renaming her! She really is just Jen. Isn’t that craptastic?!

By the way, "The Trouble With Being Myself" is the name of my absolute favorite Macy Gray album. Just get it, damn it!