Regarding National Coming Out Day ...

I've been out to my friends and immediate acquaintances for years now. But it's really only been a handful of weeks that I've been out to my parents. Having grown up in a strict Roman Catholic (by the way, I respect this faith as much as any other, and I have no intention of shedding poor light on anyone's religious beliefs) and Filipino household, all of the feelings I'd had since I was very young were considered unnatural. I never understood how the attractions and feelings I had at such a young age could be anything BUT natural.

However, I had no choice but to discredit all of those things that made up a very important part of my core. I grew up struggling with the teachings that I was wrong, fighting myself, trying hard to understand why, and hiding my shame. Basically, the wall around my soul was being built faster than I could break it down with my own devices.

Brick by brick, I've been working that wall down:

• Convincing myself it is okay to be attracted to women


• Letting my friends know who I am


• Answering someone, “Yes, I am a lesbian.”


• Seeing that I am not really alone


• Knowing that I can be me and that's just not wrong

Life continues to be a discovery of who I am, especially now that I am out and open. My attitude had to change in order to be able to come out to my parents. I had to be sure I was coming out for ME and not for them. And I must say, coming out to them was like taking a wrecking ball to the wall around my soul. I felt like I could breathe for the first time, despite the not-so-positive reactions I received. I didn't expect them to open their arms and just accept me, and I know that they may never truly understand it. But again, I did it for ME.

I envy anyone who grows up in an environment where you're not left to your own devices. When I have a family of my own, I want my home to be like a toolbox. Hopefully, this type of exposure can help to make open and accepting environments more of the rule rather than the exception. Because we can all be wrecking balls.